Stalked

I've never felt so insecure in my life. Footsteps are heard, and their louder than ever. The sidewalk is rough, and the air is filled with fumes. Voices are heard from the other side of the school, and breathing is more vital than ever.

Home never seemed so welcome, and never felt like a sancturay to me. I never felt so safe before.



Things have changed ever since my last blog. I found friends, and I don't hang out with Angie* anymore. Julie*, Kami* and Cady* are now my friends in school. I'm not emo anymore, and I'm as happy as ever. I am no longer lonely, and tomorrow, I'll be at Kami's house. But, that's not the point of this blog.





After leaving Angie and Ruko* (Angie's friend), things have gotten better, and worse. Angie has been following, watching, and even stalking me. -pause-
You must be thinking, "Oh, maybe she misses you! Thats all! Why make such a fuss about someone who misses you?"
Well, for your information, that is not missing. Missing someone would be missing them because of how special your relationship was with that person, and, let me tell you, that relationship was FAR from special. Talking about nothing isint special, staying silent and awkward isint special, and, of course, having nothing in common isint special. -play-

During recess or lunch, I hear her dragging footsteps on the ground. At masses or during class, [when I'm behind her] she always looks back. Even during the Christmas Program! I came late, so I had to sit at the far back. In front of me was HER row, and she kept on staring at me! What a creep!
Whatever I do, she does. When I go this way, she follows me. If I take this route, she takes the same. When I pass by, she stares. Even when I just come into the classroom... she looks!

I've been warned about this before, and it ends up in my face.

For an awkward reason, I've always wanted the boy of my dreams to like me. But, that couldn't possibly happen. One: He doesen't exsist. Two: I found him, but made a mess. I slipped, and he was gone. Three: I now study in an all girls school. For the rest of my high school life, the only interaction I will have with boys would be in suares (please excuse my spelling).

But this, this is disturbing. Having a girl to look at you in a weird way, like the way guys look at their, er, crushes, having her as your classmate, and seeing her everyday is a nightmare. People are always thinking that Angie and I are ... ugh, friends. Their headstrong minds always picking their friends during groupings and leaving only the outcasts behind, just like meat and its bone; eat the meat, leave out the bone. I'm sick and tired of it. Whenever I confront them, they wouldn't listen. They would just do it all over again. I might as well stay alone for goodness sake!

I remember Ruko telling me that Cady had once spread a rumor about either Angie or Ruko being a lesbian, and now, now I can see just why. In my view, its not a rumor, and now I can see why she spread it.

Note:
To whoever reads this, please don't get offended. This is my own rant, and I'm only whining.
I respect you, its just that I hate Angie, for that, and for everything.
Again, my apologies.


*Names changed for privacy and saftey.

New "Friends"

You must be thinking, "Why don't you just talk to your classmates? It's not like their gonna bite you or anything."
Well, EXCUSE ME.
Whenever I talk, I get shoved out. I can't seem to relate to the subject their talking about. I'm a boring teen, FYI. But not as boring as that freak _______.

Anyway, I went the bookstore yesterday. There, I met my new, interesting, trustworthy "friends": THE BOOKS.
That bookstore had at least 5 floors filled with thousands of books. It was soo cool! If I went to ____ _____ I would have hung out there every afternoon! X)
But, unfortunately, i'm not. But I wish i was.

Instead, i just browsed and bought some of the books. My latest books from that bookstore are the following: "Puppet Master" [Joanne Owen] [Currently reading], "My Swordhand is Singing" [Marcus Sedgwick], "The Devil in Vienna" [Doris Orgel], "A Great and Terrible Beauty" [Libba Bray], "The Red Necklace" [Sally Gardner], "Lily Dale: Awakening" [Wendy Corsi Staub], and "Bewitching Season" [Marissa Doyle]

Yep, my new companions.
Instead of talking, I just read. It's much more entertaining than talking to an imature robot.
For the next five years, I'll be like that.
I know, LONER.

But, I'd rather be that way.
That's what I get for not talking to guys.
WTH.
Thank God people invented books.
Either that, or I'd die.
No, seriously.
No Twilight is a nightmare @_@
No books, stuck with boring _______.

Alone [the most EMO part of my life :| ]

I remember thinking that everything was going to be alright. New friends, and a new school.
I was thinking that people are going to like me, and i was going to become a new person. I was confident, and enthusiastic.

At that new school, I thought they were all noisy and girly so, I met someone like my friends back at _______. Or so I thought.
Over the weeks, i soon realized she was plain BORING. Litteraly says "Tee Hee Hee" instead of really laughing, doesent have that much interests, and thinks everything is "weird", including the things that were interesting [ex. Brilliant Performance :: WEIRD].

I remember hanging out with her instead of my classmates, and realized that was a HUGE mistake. The other new students in my class had already made friends, and i just stuck to one. I feel so stubborn.

Now, she follows me around, still takes my first impression seriously, and doesent even know Maroon 5. What an idiot! How can a person be THAT boring? How could I have made such a mistake?! WHFH. It's like talking to a 7 year old [socially].

Sht.Sht.Sht.

Since then, I've always thought i cant erase my mistake and, unfortunately, im not in their league. I'm not creative enough, slim enough, popular enough, or even funny enough.

My seatmates hate me, and think im a lowlife [from what im guessing from the way they treat me]. They just don't like me at all. I'm shoved away from the ______ society, and id rather be alone than to spend time with a socially imature robot.

Sometimes, i just wonder what i did wrong.
What did i do to deserve this?!?